The End is the Beginning

CKLC used to be the coolest thing in Kingston.

I arrived here just as 1380 CKLC was starting to make its move on the big station in town, 960 CKWS. Jim Waters had just taken over the station , and was reshaping it to sound like a BIG radio station in a small city.

We were an eclectic mix of individuals. Some, like me, still weren't of legal drinking age. We had come here to prove that we knew everything about everything. Most of us planned to spend about six months at CKLC, where we'd be recognized for our genius and talent, then whisked off to a major market, where we rightfully belonged.

It took me five minutes to learn that things may not quite go that way. Just before airtime my new boss sat me down with the ground rules (and there were many). I was so nervous upon opening the microphone switch for the first time that I literally screamed out the first ten second intro. And the second. And the next one... In the blink of an eye, my personality was defined. I was not the slick, well-paced announcer from CHLO St. Thomas, who could professionally introduce and backsell songs with list upon list of relevant, hard to find information about the artists.

No...I was now "Screamin' Jim Elyot." My parents would be so proud. Some (until now) hidden facet of my personality exploded onto the air every night. I was loud, rude, and lascivious. Mostly loud.

It took years of, well, ageing for my style to tone down. Five more years of being on the best Top 40 station in Canada, 680 CFTR squeezed even more style into my shows.

A lot is said about how great radio used to be. People bring up names from the past. Mostly djs who weren't known so much for what they said, but "how" they said it. Great big voices with far-too-easy-to-say names, who could punch out ten second intro after ten second intro.

Most of them are gone now.

Some of us managed to stay at it. I left Toronto for the more family-friendly environment of Kingston, where I had to learn very fast how to be a morning host. Eventually, the lure of management pulled me in another direction, which thankfully was ended before I became a complete *#&hole.

And here I am. Working a great show on an awesome station, and preparing for the end of another. 1380 CKLC will flip to FM at the end of this month. It's no longer the coolest thing in Kingston...unless you're one of the 60+ aged people in the main audience.

Some of the retirees I talk to now on CKLC, were in their prime when I started. I was probably that "screaming Jim Idiot" who they couldn't stand listening to, day after day after day.

Perhaps I still am.

Ban This!

As the youngest of three kids, I learned two things very early on. The first was that my older brother and sister would always side with each other, making it very difficult to get my way. The second was that if I ratted either or both of them out to my mom, they would suffer, and if either or both of them tried to retaliate, I'd loudly explain how they were now banned from whatever activity got them into trouble in the first place.

My sister would always fold at this point, as she was all about the rules. My brother, on the other hand, would go back to the banned activity while proudly proclaiming "so what?"

The lesson was clear: follow the rules, unless you want to have fun.

Our beautiful, but sometimes misguided city has thousands of bylaws on the books. We may have more than most cities, but that could be less a product of an over-zealous city government, and more closely related to the fact that we have more lawyers per capita than anywhere on the planet.

This week, Kingston City Council is debating whether or not to ban road hockey from Kingston streets. Public opinion is divided, though not equally. We did a quick and non-scientific (so probably deadly accurate) poll regarding this possible new law. The great majority of responses called banning street-hockey as un-Canadian. Others protested that it would keep our young ones from getting much-needed physical activity. Many others said it was simply "stupid."

On the other side of the fence, some people regarded it as a safety issue that was unfortunate but necessary thanks to the thoughtlessness of drivers. A few more found the fact that kids played hockey in the streets as dangerous to society. These are probably the same people who cover their windows with aluminum foil to protect them from spy satellites, but they are welcome to an opinion too.

One side note: almost half the responses said that street hockey should be allowed on cul-de-sacs and dead ends. Until this debate, I was unaware that cul-de-sacs were in any way different from dead ends. The things you learn.

So the debate will rage at council tonight. Some councillors will grandstand for the cameras, taking which ever side scores them the most political capital. Some others will listen and argue logically for whichever side they feel makes the most sense socially. A few will ask that council spend more time on issues that really matter. In the end a decision will be made, and a new bylaw, or re-wording of the present one will result.

We're so good at banning things we feel a threat. My son has a person on his paper route who quite loudly protests a few times a year that he doesn't want a paper delivered...even though my son has never done so. There's a huge outcry locally to ban "street parties" so those horrible Queen's students stop the insane nonsense on Aberdeen street. There is provincial legislation that takes away a driver's license for some offences.

And the result?

Well, my sister would never deliver the unwanted paper, and feel badly that the man was upset at getting one even though she didn't give it to him. She'd stay away from Aberdeen street if God forbid, she ever had her license pulled...she'd not drive.

My brother would leave a pile of papers neck-high on the guy's stoop; dance on an overturned burning car on Aberdeen...even if it wasn't Homecoming, and if you ever took his license away, he'd have driven anyway.

And my point?

My mom learned a long long time ago that you can't legislate good behaviour. But if you lay out a litany of rules and regulations, you can bring out the worst in some people.

Car!

I Blame The English

I disgusted myself last night. It was about 10:30, and I realized that I'd been watching television pretty much non-stop since about 7pm. Three and one half hours of my life which I'll never get back. Was I watching classic comedy? Informative documentaries? Compelling drama?

No.

I barely watched one single program in its entirety. I started with "Daily Planet" on Discovery. It was either Jay Ingram's new perky co-host, or some bland commercials, but something got me flipping around. Found a debate on TVO. Not so good. Took in a bit of a comedy on CBS...same old jokes...same old laugh track...blah. Flicked and flicked and flicked until the Monday Night Football game came on. Bengals and Pats. Almost compelling, but still...blah. Flick flick flick. Part of Access Hollywood...dull. CSI, CSI Miami, CSI New York...and old Street Legal (interesting hair, but I think I've seen them all so many times). CNN was ranting about something so meaningless that I nodded off for a few moments.

Blah!

By 10:30, I'd watched almost the entire first half of a show on TVO about the Anglo-Saxon kings of England and how they created the political system that survives today. The guy had a cool accent, and the story was decent too. I liked the names of the characters: "Ethelred The Unready", "Knut the Dane," "Edward the Confessor."

But at 10:30, it occurred to me that I'd barely moved off the couch in this time. My kids saw their dad slowly being consumed by our old love seat. I'd moved the phone to the coffee table, so I wouldn't lose my carefully choreographed slouch.

I'd spent over three hours, de-composing in front of a TV that offered banal dross aimed at idiots. Like me! I was disgusted!

Had to do something to redeem myself. What to do? What to do?

Finally, it came to me. I got up, opened the pantry and made popcorn, poured a soft drink and consumed the whole mess in twenty minutes watching the conclusion of the English Kings thing.

After all, Ethelred the Unready is an hilarious name, and the guy had a pretty cool accent.